Sharing my heart…taken from a journal entry…
“…Lord…I’m a sinner. I’m nothing apart from You…completely incapable of producing anything good apart from You. For some reason, I felt a pang of fear tonight, the old fear, fear of something horrible about to happen. Why? Lord, search my heart. Reveal my sin. Shine Your light on my heart and reveal any dark thing in me so I can confess and repent and fall at Your feet. Jesus…I need You. You are all I need. Why do I seek after earthly things?! Why do I seek after man’s approval or affection or attention? You created me to want those things, but not from man, from You. Why do I keep looking to man for something that only You can satisfy and give to me with complete perfection? Why do I keep wasting my time doing worthless things, things that have no eternal value or purpose? Lord, I am truly a vapor in the wind, a puff of smoke, a single fish in a sea full of them, yet You called me to Yourself, in Your mercy and compassion. YOU called ME out to be set apart for You and Your purposes, and I turn aside to fulfill my own desires and purposes. Lord, I’m a sinner! Have mercy on me in Your great mercy!! Change my heart Lord, renew my mind, draw me to You and Your word. Speak to me Lord! Cleanse my sin! Heal my hurts! Come by the power of Your Holy Spirit and see if there is any offensive way in me and show me!!! Reveal my sin and break me down so that I can FALL AT YOUR FEET JESUS!!! I am prideful. I am sinful. Jesus, I am desperate for You. You are my ONLY HOPE!! Who in the world have I but You?! Who else can compare to You?! Who else can LOVE me like You do?! Who else could satisfy the perfect judgment of God concerning my sin and the sinful state of my being?! Who else would sacrifice themselves in my place?!?!?!?! Oh Lord, to DWELL at Your feet and NEVER leave!! To be forever in a state of humility that I never reach out to other things to take Your place or never stand up to do anything in my own strength!! Lord, remind me again of just how much I need You. Humble me again. Keep me humble!!! KEEP ME HUMBLE!! Keep me humble and in my proper place so that YOU can be revealed to those You want to reveal Yourself to. Keep me humble so that I don’t try to jump ahead or in front of You and take things into my own hands, as I am guilty of these past few weeks. Lord, grant to me the power to be self controlled. Sin shall not have dominion over me and the power of Your Holy Spirit is greater than my flesh. Lord, reveal my sin, reveal any unforgiveness I have in my heart, anything I’m holding against anyone who I feel has wronged me. Lord, I don’t want to be like the unmerciful servant. You’ve so freely forgiven all my mistakes and even willful sins! Who am I to hold anything against anyone else?! Do I think I am so perfect that I can’t forgive even my enemies, much less those who I know care about me? Lord, heal me. Heal my hurts and pain. Jesus, guard my mind by the power of Your Spirit.
Satan I rebuke you and the demons who serve you in the NAME OF JESUS CHRIST, THE MESSIAH, the NAME ABOVE ALL OTHER NAMES, the ONE WHO IS ABOVE ALL RULE, AUTHORITY AND POWER, BOTH IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH!!!! I am in Him and He is in me. Greater is He that is in my that YOU that are IN THE WORLD!! Your time is short and is coming to an end.
Lord JESUS I love You. Draw me close to You and back to my time with You, reading Your word, spending time with You. Amen.”